Up to this point in my life, I've never feared the future. Never have I worried about what I might be doing in five years, never have I sought to see ahead and predict the consequences of my choices, never have I feared that I might be choosing the wrong path...
Up to this point.
I wouldn't say that I fear those things now, but I am certainly more aware of them. Time has become my greatest enemy...and yet a very dear friend. It's like life support; I need it to survive, and without it I would die, but it has it's downfalls.
For example, my last summer at home is already half over. Don't get me wrong, I'll probably be back next summer...but what if I'm not? I've learned to expect the least, so as to not be disappointed when I get the least. Regardless, I only have a month and a half left at home before I leave, and yet graduation was a month and a half ago. There's so much left to be done, and I've only just started!
In that light, it will certainly make more sense that I am wary of the future. Each year I spend at college is a year of my life; if I change my mind about becoming an engineer, each of those years that I will have finished will be gone. Done. Never to be seen again. I may be perfectly happy with my choice to study mechanical engineering, even if I never earned a degree or finished the course work - but the time. I will have invested time into something that I may never draw from again.
Time is not like money. Money is constantly in a cycle of coming and going, earning and spending, in and out. But time? No. Time passes like water under a bridge. If you focus too much on keeping up with the current, on chasing down what once was, you'll never see what you could have had. In short, you will miss out.
These are the things that I consider as I excitedly await what September will bring. Will I meet the man God has for me? Will I enjoy my chosen field of study? Will I make new friends and grow closer to the Lord through the intense lifestyle I'm about to step into?
In all, I am brimming with excited anticipation. But the excitement is tinged with a certain amount of apprehension. I am embarking upon a journey into the Great Unknown, and I know not where the path will lead me.
~ Alex N. ~